Going Around An Imperfect Poem

For several years I’ve judged the poems entered in an international writing competition, and each year I’ve noticed similar mistakes spinning around the global theater. Since I’ve learned a lot from this recurring cycle of flaws and errors, I thought you might too, so here’s a list of things to avoid – not as you write in that first whirlwind of creativity, but as you stop to catch your breath, clear your head, and revise.

The Perfectly Imperfect Poem

Borders on the sentimental: Uses saccharine phrases or words like tears, heart, share, cry, and dear ole something or other. This category also includes excessive enthusiasm about a spring flower or other subject that might thrill a young tot.

Makes incredible statements: Often flatly stated, these lines sermonize, spout opinions as fact, make unsubstantiated claims, or come up with strange comparisons that do not hum true. Sometimes the poet goes beyond this in what might be an effort to appear wise but comes across as pseudo-wisdom or (such a lovely-sounding word) pomposity.

Gives unasked-for advice: Similar to sermonizing, this flaw takes on a bombastic tone or lays out guilt trips that drive people away. Venting, spewing, and biting may also occur.

Puts people down as a group rather than addressing that one lousy individual to whom the poem could be written: Everyone who’s politically correct knows you may not speak ill of women, other cultures, other races, and other religions, but male-bashing is equally offensive to most guys and some dolls. It’s also not okay to put down Christians and Christianity even though that’s presently the rage, whereas the one you actually want to rebuke might deserve a scathing poem or two. As for blasphemy in poetry, we'll give God the last word on that.

Uses punctuation like chicken pox: Maybe to be different, the poet omits all punctuation or omits it now and then with no consistent speckling. Sometimes lines get all scribbled up with commas, but for most poems, the communication value of plain, old, everyday, regular punctuation is actually considerate and rather hard to beat.

Uses fonts, colors, or patterns of paper that turn editorial eyes into disco balls: Some poets apparently think they must yell to get an editor or reader’s attention and, therefore, may also be inclined to use all caps. Ironically, such screams have the opposite effect, making readers clap hands only over ears.

Talks to self: For some reason, some poets seem to think a poem belongs in the genre of a diary or church confessional. This one-way conversation or out-pouring of emotions may lessen the likelihood of putrefication and, therefore, be healing for the poet, who may then be calling on readers to change a bandage or tend a wound. However, the job of a judge is merely to assesses the quality of a poem, not the mental state of the poet, who might aspire to being the next Sylvia Plath. This judge can, of course, pray for such persons, but then, maybe they already knew that.

And maybe you knew what I figured out: This list could go on and on too long, which, yes, has been the biggest problem with many poems. Let’s talk about that another time and compare notes on flaws we've noticed. Meanwhile, I need to get back to assessing my own poems and revise, revise, revise.


For a one-on-one assessment, consult, or critique of your poetry, chapbook, or book of poems, meet me on The Poetry Editor website http://www.thepoetryeditor.com.

Freeing Your Verse in Rhyme

Traditional English poetry often uses patterns of rhyme with each verse set into a rhyming pair of lines (couplet) or in groups of four lines known as the quatrain. More complex patterns, such as the sonnet, add interest to these classical forms, which also depend on unusual comparisons, wise insights, and true observations to be truly memorable.

In a way, traditional poems can be easier to write than free verse because you know exactly where to break the lines and where to place the emphasis on your poetic thoughts with the use of rhyming words. However, so many poems have followed these old patterns for so many centuries that they’re especially susceptible to being confined by boxed quatrains with nothing strong enough to break them free – unless, of course, you liberate them on purpose to see the fresh effects you get.

To give you an example of the wonderful free verse poetry you might find within your traditional verse, consider these two versions of a poem with many fine options and ongoing possibilities. First, the traditional version:

The Melting Candle
by Olfa Drid

Like a candle day after day I melt
by your side for years and years I once dwelt
with my light you kept growing and thriving
I'm eaten up but naught you've ever felt

Like a candle day after day I melt
you took my flame and in your torch it dwelt
to lighten all your darkening roads and caves
and all my senses at your weird moods knelt

Like a candle day after day I melt
with all your crazes and blunders I dealt
but no complaints and not a single blame
my heart was burnt, its smoke you’ve never smelt

Like a candle day after day I melt
I was that dreamer; charming, fresh and svelte
but now I’m sinking in my pool of wax
shapeless, soulless and denied a life belt.

Besides the need for standard punctuation to help clarify the reading, an immediate problem arises because of the differing moods and tones evoked by the rhymes. Compared to, say, the Italian language, which produced many rhyming patterns, not many words in English rhyme, so the traditional poem occasionally has to stretch sense, syntax, or meaning in order to satisfy the ear. For instance, melt/ dwelt/ felt/ knelt/ dealt work fine here, but smelt/ svelte/ belt just don’t. Besides straining the syntactical order of the sentence, they add a comic tone which, judging from the content, was surely not intended.

Rhymes do not always confine a poem, of course. Sometimes the search for a rhyming word will actually help a poet to discover new thoughts and images. If so, great. If not, the most important question is, “Does this work well?” If that’s a negative with no more choices in the rhyme-pool, then the rhymes may need to be cast aside and lines recast with new rhyming sounds or slant rhymes (words that almost rhyme but don’t.)

Another way to solve the problem is to free the poem entirely of rhyming patterns, thereby freeing a traditional poem into free verse. Here’s a radical example:

Like A Candle
by Olfa Drid

Day after day I melt
by your side.
For years I kept
my light,
but you kept growing.

You took my flame
as your torch
to lighten
your darkening.

Day after day I melt,
my heart burnt.

Day after day
my dreams melt
until I’m sinking,
soulless,
shapeless.

The cuts may be radical but show the essence of the poem. Olfa, I encourage you to continue playing with variations such as this to free the poem from the noise of rhyme threatening to drown the pure sound, poignant lines, and important meaning.


[For a private consult or critique of your poetry book, chapbook, or batch of poems, see The Poetry Editor website – http://www.thepoetryeditor.com. ]